So I have started a new book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People" written by Stephen Covey. Just going through the first two
chapters I am already hooked just because of the philosophy behind the book.
One of the keys the author talks about is that you should not just read the
book but pass along the information to others. I am not going to quote the book
directly and sometimes I am not going to post a blog right after I read the
chapter so the exact details are a little of but you will get the point and I
hope you also read this book.
Private Victory
Chapter 1 is basically an overview of the whole book. The premise is about who
we have come to the point where we are no longer taking responsibility for our
actions and if we want to succeed, grow, and experience true happiness in life
we have to make sure we are looking inward rather than putting all the blame
for what is happening to us on everything "out there" rather than
"in here".
One of the biggest things that stuck out to me in the chapter was how the
author talks about how no matter what people do that need to make sure that the
production and production capacity are in balance. I am a huge fan of balance
in all forms of life and I have started to study it more and more. Some great
examples that Covey gives are cars, bodily health, finances, and relationships.
To put it into perspective he uses the tale of the goose that laid golden eggs.
Once the farmer noticed the goose laid one golden egg a day he got greedy and
killed the goose but there were no golden egg inside the goose so he destroyed
the production capacity of the golden egg so now there is no more production
the actual egg. He have to make sure our future is in line with the present,
not too much now or you will disrupt the later and the same goes for the
opposite. I know I personally need to work on all of these things. I try to
save but I am not very good at it but I know sooner or later my production
capacity will slow down and I will need a way to still get production (money).
Just to give you some of the examples that Covey uses:
If you don't take of your car throughout the year you are not taking care of
the production capacity and sooner or later that care will break down and cost
more to fix than it would have if you kept up on the routine service.
The same goes with preventative health care and your health. You have to take
care of the production capacity that is your health and the production whether
it be doing daily activities or working. On the flip side you cannot run 4
hours every day just so you can live 10 more years because you are spending
your years running. You need Balance!! A little bit is good but a lot if not
better.
Finances or where I really need to work. You need to be able to sacrifice a
little now to enhance your future. I try to do this but it always seems like
there is something that needs money. I will do better.
Habit 1
Chapter 2 is all above looking inward at everything going on in your life
rather than putting the blame on other people or other things and giving them
power over you and your decisions. You might not have control of what happens
to you but you do have the freedom and the power to control what your response
is for what happens to you. You have to remember that you always have a choice!
I really like this concept in the field of stress management. You should only
worry about what is in your circle of influence and even then you should not
worry about it. Do not give it power over you.
Two main aspects that are talked about in this chapter are responsibility
and being proactive. You have to take charge of your actions and be a proactive
solver of the problem. Do not just constantly blame others for your situation.
Do what you can to change the situation and even if you can't make the
situation better you can make it better for yourself. Use terms "I
will" "I have" not "If only" "They" "I
wish". If you want something go out and get it. Never let anything have
the power over you to change how you feel because you lose that power more time
than not.
Habit 2
Habit 1 is about knowing that you are responsible for all of your action, maybe not the consequences but you are responsible for how you react to every situation is up to you. You can change how you act towards a certain situation even if you are scripted to act a certain way. It also emphasizes that you have self-awareness and can use your imagination to see a better future for you. You have to use your left side of the brain and your imagination to see a future you want for yourself and then use your right brain to put the plan into action. So in computer terms Habit 1 says, "You are the programmer" and Habit 2 says, "Write the program." Habit 2 had three main points that stuck out to me.
One of them was that we have to start everything with the end in mind. No matter what it is, if you start the project or anything thinking about how you want it to turn out you can direct how you act.
The other main fact that stuck out to me was that ever person has to look at the different roles they have in life and determine what values they would like to put into them. I know that I have not been the best son, brother, worker, friend, community person, etc. Yes, I might do the right things most of the time but in the sense of how I would like to act in the matter of values I know that I can do better.
The last main point that stuck out to me talks mission statements and how they can effect a relationship or business. They must be created by everyone but they outline the values that should be followed in every decision. If these core values are ingrained into everyone and they act on everything through them you will be pretty successful.
Habit 3
So this is the last of the personal habits. Habit 1 says that you are the creator of your future and if you want to change you can. You just have to take responsibility for your actions, true responsibility. Habit 2 says that now you have realized you can change your have to figure out the ways to do that by making a plan on how to change, writing the plan. Now that you know you can make the plan and you have made the plan it is time to carry out the plan. You have to actually put your money where you mouth is and walk the talk. There are many points that hit home with me in this chapter because this is where I have a lot of problems. I have the imagination to make the plan of how I want to be in the future but the action is not where I want it to be.
One key of all successfully people is that they have the integrity to do the things that normal people don't want to do. Things like getting up early, exercising, putting in the extra work, and having that real work ethic is truly what separates people who are successful and people who blame everyone else for what is happening to them. It's when you feel like you can't move and you just want to sit down and do nothing after a long day and you drag yourself to the gym to get a little workout because you know it is important to you. They are not the most urgent things you might have to do but they are important. When you are driven by things that are urgent but not important that is when you are letting everyone else run you around and stress you out. This also goes into time management.
There are many limitations to the time management tools people use. People can use lists to determine what is urgent but that does not distinguish priorities well if you add what are the priorities are you really need to plan ahead. Even it you are a master at schedules your start to neglect the people in your life. The best thing is energy management that focuses on what is important to you and the relationships in your life.
Again, one of the things that really hit home with me is when I read that most people do not do the things that are important to them because they are not urgent. Two things that I have been saying for a long time is that I wanted to start attending church more often, not for faith reason per say but more for the message. I also wanted to be more involved in my fitness but not more how much I plan and plan for both of these actions which are important to me I have not been able to do them like I want and I just realized today, honestly, it is because they are not urgent, I also say, "there is always next Sunday or there is always tomorrow to work out." I need to realize what is important to me and make time to do those and stop being guided by others or things that are not urgent or important. We need to look at every situation in life in terms of opportunities not problems. Opportunities for growth, to better ourselves, or just learn a good lesson.
The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule but you need to realize what your priorities are and what is important to you and then schedule those things.
Public Victory
Now that we have looked at how to look inward and becoming more independent rather than being dependent on everyone else to dictate your life our control your feeling Covey now goes into how to become more interdependent, being able to create relationships with other to create remarkable outcomes. At first people are dependent then they can become independent and then they can shift into interdependence.
The biggest portion of this intro section of habits 4-6 is Covey talking how to effectively create relationships and grow those relationships. He uses the analogy of a bank and how people have an emotional bank account. For me it was easy to understand this portion thinking about friends I have because I am not married and have no children. According to Covey you can build strong relationships buy making deposits into your emotional bank account with people so you have a positive balance in the account through kept promises, trust, kind gestures, listening, etc. However if you constantly make withdrawals from your account with people through broken promises, flaking out, lying, being deceitful, etc then pretty soon that relationship will fail. I know I try to do as much as I can for my friends and family and will always be there whenever they need me but a lot of the people I call my "friends" do break promises or they always flake out when they say they will be somewhere. Maybe once or twice this can be forgiven because the emotional account has a positive balance but after awhile it just becomes to much and I feel like there is really no reason to continue the relationship because it is not a true friendship.
Covey also talks about how in any relationship whether it be friends, family, marriages, work you have to be able to express your expectations in that relationship or it will not be successful because of different paradigms. People will just wonder why you are not meeting their expectations when they truth of the matter is you really don't know what their expectations are, how can you?!!! I can think of a couple of past relationships that have failed because one person or the other did not meet someone expectation of the other person and I think if those expectations were made known in the beginning it would of made everything a lot easier and there would have been a mutual understanding from the beginning.
Habit 5 - Think Win/Win
Now that you have worked through the personal victories it is time to start creating interdependent relationships. Going into any kind of relationship whether it be with family or at work you have to think Win/Win. Covey looks at 6 paradigms people can have when going into a relationship or with any deal or decision that takes two people. I will go over each briefly and you will be able to tell which one would work the best when trying to make a deal that will build a strong relationship.
Win/ Lose - This paradigm goes best with competition minded people. If I win then you lose. This might be able to get you ahead in the short run but in the long run most people will probably not want to work with you nor will you be the most liked person.
Lose/ Win - These people just give in whenever someone else has a strong opinion. They let everyone else get what they want even if it is at the expense of what they want.
Lose/Lose - In this paradigm nobody really gains anything from the deal and is bad for everyone involved. Usually this occurs with an enemy or when you are trying to get revenge on someone. There will never be a winner in that situation.
Win - This person just wants to win and it does not really matter if the other person wins as well or loses. Covey uses the example of a mom trying to save her children. She really doesn't care about anyone else other than her.
Win/Win - This is the best method for building relationships that will last and in business will make everyone cooperate and succeed.
Win/Win or No Deal - I really like this attitude because you can go into a meeting knowing that if both sides do not agree with the deal than you would decide it is best not to have a deal at all. No hard feelings.
With all of these paradigms it is easy to see that the only one that will bring success and growth to any organization is the Win/ Win strategy. Even in family and friend relationships if it is one sided it will never work.